Travel Back in time with Family–Christmas Memories

You Better Be Good…

A Christmas Memoir

‘I remember you,’ says a lady from church, my mum’s age, ‘you couldn’t keep still. I felt sorry for your poor mother.’

Another lady nods. ‘She had her hands full, your mum.’

‘Ooh, there was the time you escaped and ran up to the altar—oh, your poor mother!’

I smile and nod. So different now.

***

Back then, mid 1960’s…

The Children’s Carol service Christmas Eve—the bag full of sweets and honey biscuits stacked under the live Christmas tree, an incentive to stand in front of the congregation, singing my little three-year-old heart out. I love singing. Then when the Pastor preaches, the Sunday School teacher, Mrs. S, tells me to sit still, be quiet and don’t sin. Be good if you want your bag of lollies.

So, unless I’m told, I sit, am quiet and I don’t sin. Being good means not singing unless told to sing. I thought that’s what Mrs. S meant. And, being good means the reward of sweets at the end of the service. Oh, dear! How long is the pastor going to preach! I try not to wriggle. Everyone’s looking at me. But it’s so hot and stuffy in the church. Poor baby Jesus born in the middle of summer when it’s so hot! My halo’s itching my head. I take it off and scratch my head.

Mrs. S holds up her hand to me. ‘Lee-Anne! Be still! You want your sweets, don’t you?’

I try and put the halo on my head. It’s crooked and slips over my ear.

Mrs. S snatches the halo off my head. She has a cross look in her eyes.

Oh, dear, I hope I haven’t been naughty. I wasn’t sinning, was I? I hunch over and hold my fidgety hands tight. Must be still. Must be quiet. Must not sin. Want those sweets.

Mrs. S gestures for us children to rise. Goody, I can sing! I stand, take a deep breath of pine-air. ‘Joy to the World!’

The service ends. We wait by the tree. I marvel at the white “crismons”, the symbolic decorations from our great-great Grandfathers from Germany. These white shapes made out of Styrofoam and sprinkled with glitter make me wonder, is this what snow looks like? I’ve never seen snow. Snow is for cold places and Adelaide is always hot. Except in winter when it’s cold enough to have the kerosene heater going in the kitchen. But Adelaide’s not cold enough for snow, mummy says.

[Photo 1: Christmas in Australia means it’s hot enough to go to the beach © L.M. Kling 2017]

‘Lee-Anne?’ Mrs. S calls.

I go up to the tree and she hands me my bag of sweets and a children’s book with my name in it.

‘This is for attending Sunday School every week and learning all your bible verses,’ Mrs. S says. ‘Good girl.’

I take the gifts in my arms and careful not to drop my cargo, I take one step at a time out the church as if I’m a flower girl in a wedding. I know about weddings. My Aunty K was married in this church and I wore a new pink dress that my mummy made. And I had this lacy hat, and everybody took photos of me.

[Photo 2: All Dressed up for wedding © C.D. Trudinger 1964]

I’m in the courtyard, lost in a forest of legs. I search for mummy’s legs. She has ones under her pretty aqua dress with frills at the bottom. That’s her new dress for Christmas. My mummy’s a dressmaker and she always makes a new dress for her and me at Christmas. I mean, what are daughter’s for but to be dressed up in the prettiest, frilliest dresses at Christmas?

I can’t see mummy’s dress, or legs. I weave through the legs and scamper down the gravel drive to the back of the church to the car park. She’s in the car, our FJ Holden, Bathsheba, surely. I look in the car. No, she’s not there.

Tramping behind me. A roar. ‘Naughty girl!’ Dad all red-faced. ‘You know not to go down the drive on your own!’ Dad smacks me on the back of my legs.

‘But I was looking for mummy!’ I howl.

Mummy comes running. ‘Ah, you found her. I was getting worried.’

My always-good-brother strolls up to the car. He rolls his eyes and mutters, ‘Lee-Anne, always getting lost.’

‘Now get in the car,’ Dad snaps.

I adjust my load. A biscuit drops onto the dirt. I bend to pick it up. Can’t waste good food.

‘I told you!’ Dad says with another stinging slap to the legs. ‘Get in the car! Behave yourself, or else!’

I climb in and assume “or else” means another smack on the legs. Dad crushes the biscuit with his shoe and then slams the door behind me.

‘Doesn’t matter how much you smack her,’ Mummy mumbles. ‘She never seems to learn to be good.’

As Dad drove down the road he glances at me and says, ‘We’re off to Grandma’s now, so be good, or else.’

Be good, what does that mean? I pondered in my three-year-old mind. I thought it had something to do with not getting into trouble or getting a slap on the legs. I still hadn’t worked it all out, this “being good” business. It had something to do with following my older brother’s and cousins’ example. Something to do with being still. Being quiet and not upsetting the big people. But I don’t know, just when I think I’ve got it worked out, I do something I’ve no idea is wrong and the next thing, I get a smack. All I know is sitting still and being quiet means I’m being good.

Our car tyres crunch on the stones in Grandma’s driveway. We climb out of Bathsheba and enter the house through the back door and greet Grandma who’s piling plates with honey biscuits. We side-step around the table in the dining area and into the lounge lined with couches, dining chairs, and a piano. The lounge room is filled with the smell of pine tree. Pinned in the corner another real Christmas tree, all lit with electric candle lights and decorated with colourful baubles. I move to the tree to touch the pretty decorations. I must be careful not to step on the presents wrapped in red and green paper under the tree.

[Video 1: The wonder of Christmas and bon bons © L.M. Kling 2005]

[Photo 3: The seats are for grown-ups, Lee-Anne (Christmas with the Gross Family) © C.D. Trudinger 1977]

‘Now, Lee-Anne, you sit on the floor,’ Mum says. ‘The chairs are for grown-ups.’

I sit cross-legged by the fireplace.

‘You better sit still and be quiet,’ Dad warns, ‘or else.’

Cousins, aunts and uncles, and the odd, lonely soul from church crowd into Grandma’s lounge room.

I try hard to follow my cousins’, all older than me, example. Sit still and don’t make a sound. I must be good. I watch the grown-ups all chatting, getting up and down, laughing and joking. Must be fun to be a grown-up.

Clothed in her purple swirly dress and beige apron, Grandma settles her generous backside on the piano stool. ‘Let’s sing some carols,’ she says and begins hammering on the keys.

In joyous and rousing strains, we sing our way through the black hymn book’s carols.

I like singing and can’t help but join in. Then I remember. Be still. Be quiet. Maybe only big people can sing. I glance at Dad. He’s singing, eyes closed. My brother next to me barely opens his mouth. He fidgets. Not a good sign. I’m meant to follow my brother’s example, aren’t I?

But I love singing. I love Christmas carols. I raise my voice and sing. Everybody’s happy. Everybody, except Richard sings. I check my cousins. They’re singing. Must be alright to sing if my cousins are singing. So, I keep singing.

[Photo 4: Lined up with cousins © C.D. Trudinger 1965]

A pause. Grandma dabs a hanky on her brow.

Mum pipes up. ‘Well, surely that’s enough singing. The children want to open their presents.’

‘What’s wrong with singing some more Christmas carols?’ the odd, lonely guy from church asks.

Mum points at the mantelpiece clock from the Fatherland. ‘I just think it’s getting late for the children.’

Dad blushes and cleares his throat while the other grown-ups look from my mum to Grandma.

Grandma looks down and wipes her hands on her apron.

Was my mum being naughty?

I reckon they’ve got the wrong person being the naughty one. Who’s the one who’s always told to sit still, be quiet and not sin? Me, of course.

I stand up and say, ‘It’s alright. I like sinning.’

Everyone laughs.

‘She means “singing” carols.’ Grandma’s tummy jiggles up and down as she chuckles. ‘Yes, it is getting late. Let’s open the presents. And Lee-Anne, since you are the youngest, you can help your mother hand out the Christmas presents.’

[Photo 5: Opening Christmas Presents © C.D. Trudinger 1964]

© Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2016; updated 2023

Photo: My Christmas present revealed, me and Teddy, 18 months © C.D. Trudinger 1964

***

Virtual Travel Opportunity

For the price of a cup of coffee (takeaway, these days),

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The T-Team with Mr. B: Central Australian Safari 1977

Trekking with the T-Team: Central Australian Safari 1981. (Australia)

Trekking With the T-Team: Central Australian Safari 1981 (United States)

Trekking Thursday–Free Christmas Treat

PANICKED

[Extract from Trekking With the T-Team: Central Australian Safari, available free on Amazon.]

Rain, Mud and Lost in the Flinders

Monday July 20, 1981

Fat dollops of rain struck my sleeping bag, waking me.

‘Oh, al-right!’ I mumbled before peeling the sleeping bag from me. I slipped on my shoes and as I was already fully clothed, I shuffled to the campfire.

The rain stopped.

[Photo 1: Rain on the Road © C.D. Trudinger 1981]

Hours dragged as we struggled to eat our cereal, drink beverages, answer the call of nature, and then pack our bags.

My older cousin, C1 was missing for what seemed an eternity. Younger cousin, C2 commented that his brother liked to read on his “business” ventures.

I laughed, ‘Our toilet is inaccessible for hours when my brother goes. He doesn’t like books, so I don’t know what he does when he goes.’.

‘Well, at least it’s only twice a week,’ my body-building brother said.

Dad’s eyes widened. ‘What? You only go twice a week?’

‘Yeah? How often do you go, Dad?’

‘Two or three times a day,’ he replied.

‘What?’

‘Yeah, that’s normal.’ Dad poked the coals and flames leapt into action. ‘Sure you’re not constipated? I’m not sure your Protein diet is a good idea.’

[Photo 2: Desert Storm (c) C.D. Trudinger 1981]

Richard shook his concoction and examined the plastic Tupperware containing Protein-powder mixture. ‘Nup, it’s fine.’ With a teaspoon, he stirred the raw egg floating on top of the bubbles, and then swallowed his liquid breakfast in three gulps.

C1 returned shovel in hand and a grin spread between his over-night shadow. ‘Ah! That’s better!’

Dad grabbed the shovel and toilet paper and disappeared into the bush. As we waited for each member to do their “nature-walk”, rain plopped into the sand.

[Photo 3: Flinders Ranges © C.D. Trudinger 1981]

We left the Flinders camp mid-morning in the rain, then rattled over corrugations and lumbered through water-washed floodways. An hour into our journey, we stopped at Hawker where the boys selected lollies, and chewing gum to occupy their bored mouths for the hours of travel to come.

C1 and C2 picked out miscellaneous items they’d forgotten to pack. C1 placed his purchases on the weathered bench and reached for his back pocket. He patted it, and his eyes widened. He jammed his fingers into his pocket, patted his side pockets, and pushed his hands into them and pulled out the lining. He glanced around his feet. ‘Oh, oh! I think I left my wallet behind in the creek,’ he said. While he continued to search the floor, and his pockets, we pooled our money to cover C1’s expenses.

Despite C1’s lamentations that his wallet contained his driver’s license, passport, visa, and thirty dollars, a wall of steady rain threatening floods, discouraged us from returning to the camp. Dad was sure it was too late to find it. ‘The floods would’ve washed it away,’ he said.

[Photo 4: Hawker © L. M. Kling 2007]

On the road through the Flinders Ranges, Dad stopped driving for us to photograph the ranges cloaked in mist. On one of our photo stops, the boys discovered the sport of rock-throwing.

Our family friend, TR tracked us with his film camera as we all tried to smash beer bottles with rocks.

Further north, rain pelted our vehicle and lightening flashed. At the bridge near Leigh Creek, we passed a car, bonnet jacked up, and a couple peering at their dead engine.

[Photo 5: Road on way to Leigh Creek and Woomera © L.M. Kling 2013]

Richard, came to the rescue and within thirty minutes, resolved their engine issues and sent them on their way. I wish he could have been that efficient with the Rover’s pack-rack!

While Richard was repairing the car, we inspected the railroad track, the bridge of the over-flowing creek, and then watched a Volkswagen splashing through a pool of muddy water.

[Photo 6: Volkswagen having fun with puddles © C.D. Trudinger 1981]

At Lyndhurst, we filled up with petrol. Twelve miles out from there, we camped by a disused train track. We used some of the sleepers for firewood. Birds gathered in a cluster of She oak and eucalyptus trees. Stratus and high cumulous clouds gave rise to a stunning sunset of gold, orange and flares of red.

[Photo 7: Desert Sunset © C.D. Trudinger 1981]

‘Wow! What a glorious sunset!’ I said and then turned to C1. ‘Pity about the rain and losing your wallet.’

C1 looked up from his book-reading and sighed, ‘I’ll have to manage without it, I guess.’

[Photo 8: Skipping Stones © C.D. Trudinger 1981]

‘Perhaps we can look for it on the way back.’

‘Ah, Lee-Anne, always the optimist.’

© Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2017; updated 2020; 2023

Feature photo: Railway Track Leigh Creek © C.D. Trudinger 1981

***

Christmas Treat Free!

How did, I as one eighteen-year-old girl with five men, survive camping two months in the outback?

What did the T-Team discover as they boldly explored where few people have gone before?

And, did C1 ever find his wallet?

Find my travel memoir on Amazon and in Kindle.

Click on the link below:

Trekking With the T-Team: Central Australian Safari 1981

Wandering Wednesday–Alligator Gorge

Mystery of Alligator Gorge

The Ring Route that Didn’t Ring True

I’m still trying to figure out where we went off track. Were we off track? Was I that slow that the whole trek was taking twice, perhaps three times as long as the initial map instructions suggested? Four hours they promised us. Only 8.9 km, the sign said.

Mistake number 1: The map of Alligator Gorge my dear husband had printed from the internet was then forgotten to be loaded into his backpack.

Six hours into the hike, deep in some tributary of Alligator Creek (according to the map-less husband), and no sign of the Terraces, nor the steps, nor the Narrows. Did we miss a turn off? Did we stray into a neighbouring gorge? Signs to direct our path were ominously absent. So were people…except us, the K-Team comprising of his brother P1, two Swiss relatives (Mother A and Daughter E), Hubby and me with my bung knee.

Now that we’d descended into the gully, I had kept up with the Able-Bodied four. My knee no longer hurt, but for some weird reason, although we walked along a narrow path and negotiated the stony creek, at a fair pace, we seemed to be getting nowhere fast. The red slated walls to our left, and occasionally to our right, just kept on going.

Four-thirty in the afternoon and we stopped by a bend in the dry creek.

[Photo 1: Deep in a parallel universe; the stop point in tributary of Alligator Creek © L.M. Kling 2023]

‘Are you sure this is the right way?’ P1 asked.

‘I reckon if we keep on going, we’ll get there; this gorge will eventually lead us to the start of Mambray creek,’ I said. ‘What does the map say? Oh, that’s right, my hubby’s forgotten the map.’

The K-Team decided to send Hubby and E down the creek for any signs that we were on the right track. Off they went at a cracking pace now that they weren’t hampered by the “cripple” (me).

The remaining three, P1, A and me, waited in the cool of the native pine trees common in these parts of the Flinders Ranges.

*[Photo 2: Bird-spotting before the stopping © L.M. Kling 2023]

P1 was not impressed with Hubby’s, much boasted and legendary navigational skills. In silence, I began to reflect. I had been this way, surely. Way back, some forty years ago with my friends from youth. The landmarks, the endless rock walls, the keeled-over gum trees, and the native pines resonated faint familiarity. Even the trek that seemed to take for eternity took me back to when our youth group had hiked from Alligator Gorge to Mambray Creek starting with the same ring route.

I had asked the same question to one of the leaders, ‘When is this going to end?’

‘Soon,’ he replied and as if by magic, we reached the Terraces. My brother, and his friends lay in the creek and cooled their tired muscles.

*[Photo 3: The promised Terraces © L.M. Kling (nee Trudinger) circa 1983]
*[Photo 4: Resting after the arduous trek through alligator Creek © L.M. Kling (nee Trudinger) circa 1983]

My second cousin reclined on a fallen gum tree and had a nap.

But…maybe the mists of time had warped my memories. Maybe they were false memories. I have photos of that time. Will check photos if we ever return.

*[Photo 5: Misty Memories of youth soaking in the coolness of Mambray Creek © L.M. Kling (nee Trudinger) circa 1983]

I began to wonder if we hadn’t been swallowed up in some dimensional impasse. Had our trek led us into a parallel universe where Alligator Gorge has no Terraces nor Narrows and we’d be lost on some distant and forgotten planet? Or had we stepped into the past before the Terraces and Narrows had formed?

Either way, my phone had no signal.

Hubby and E were taking eons to return. Had some errant neutrino activity swallowed them up into another place and time?

*[Photo 6: Meanwhile, back in this alternate dimension pretending to be Alligator Creek Tributary. Waiting… © L.M. Kling 2023]

The hike had begun in a mundane fashion. Hubby strode ahead up the fire track from the Blue Gums campground.

I marched behind the Able-Bodied K-Team like a demented zombie with trendy hiking poles. The Able-Bodied stopped at the sign, the first of many waits for their knee-challenged companion.

I glanced at the sign, and remarked, ‘This way is an8.9-kilometre ring route.’ Nothing wrong with my eyesight.

‘Yes,’ Hubby sniffed with an air of arrogance. He implied that if I didn’t like the distance, I could sit back at the car in the campground and wait for them.

Glad I didn’t.

So onwards and upwards on the fire track we trekked. Judging by the position of the hills, the terrain and the fact that we’d left the Mambray Creek-Alligator Creek junction, and behind, (Mambray Creek running to our left and Alligator Creek to our right), I summised that we were walking the route clockwise.

Hence Mistake Number 2.

So, for the next two and a half hours we (or should I say, me with the group having to make frequent stops for me) laboured up the rise. I don’t do uphill at the best of times and had to stop and rest for my breathing to catch up. The Able-Bodied with their superior fitness would wait for me, and then as soon as I caught up, they were off. Like racehorses.

*[Photo 7: Arduous trek up fire track © L.M. Kling 2023]

On the way we encountered a couple, smiles wide on their faces, tramping down the fire track.

As they approached, I asked, ‘Are we there yet?’

‘Not far now,’ they replied.

Another couple, Grey Nomads, also with grins rivalling Alice In Wonderland’s Cheshire cat’s, passed us.

‘How far to the top and then into Alligator Gorge?’ I asked.

‘Nearly there,’ the man said.

‘But the walk is quite difficult,’ the lady said. ‘It’s more like nine kilometres.’

‘Yeah, thanks.’ I remembered the dodgy distance estimations from the previous hike 40-years ago. Seems as though nothing had changed in Alligator Gorge.

By this time, we had stopped at a Eaglehawk Dam campsite where we ate our lunch and rested for thirty-minutes. An oasis after a long hot thirsty uphill hike.

*[Photo 8: Lunch Stop at Eaglehawk Dam © L.M. Kling 2023]

Ten minutes from the dam, we reached our goal, the long-awaited sign; the virtual “top” and fork with directions. Signs and map indicators were scarce on this ring route. One sign pointed to a path leading to Alligator Gorge, about 3.1km hence. The other to the lookout.

We opted for the gorge. After all, it was only 3km away, an hour’s walk at the most.

Confident we were on the “homeward” stretch, we trundled down the slope and into the gorge. The time, around 2pm. Now that we hiked downwards and the path appeared well-worn, I kept up with the Able-Bodied. In fact, they held up my progress by stopping to photograph lizards, flowers, and birds.

*[Photo 9a: In the cool and relative ease of the gully © L.M. Kling 2023]
*[Photo 9b: Four hours of hiking and still no Terraces © L.M. Kling 2023]

An hour and a half later, we still hadn’t reached the Terraces. Nor had we completed the circuit that would have taken us back to Blue Gums Campground. Hubby was adamant that we were in a tributary of Alligator Gorge and thus missed all the interesting features. There was talk of camping the night in this so-called tributary. After all, we did have an emergency blanket. However, the fire-danger season having commenced, we would be banned from lighting a campfire. Hubby had stressed that even lighting a match was “verboten” (forbidden).

Hubby and E emerged through the growth that glowed emerald and gold in the late afternoon sunlight.

‘The creek just goes on forever,’ Hubby said.

‘Best to go the way you know,’ I said. ‘We’ll just have to go back the way we came, to be safe.’

*[Photo 10: The return trip of the venturers © L.M. Kling 2023]

This we did. Uphill again, but this time steep rises. Hubby helped me negotiate the uneven path and rocky terrain. He pulled me up and over fallen logs and big boulders. He told me off for hampering the progress of the group.

‘I feel faint,’ I replied, and he softened. Besides, he needed to pace himself too. Hubby looked pale and exhausted.

Within an hour we’d reached the signpost and were hiking with happy faces down the fire track. I named the tributary we’d been lost in, “Deviation Gorge” as it had led us astray.

*[Photo 11: “Deviation Gorge”, the creek that goes on and on © L.M. Kling 2023]

We arrived back at Blue Gums Campground just as the sun set at 7:30pm. The back tracking taking us just two and a half hours to complete.

Most of all, by the end of what we calculated to be a twenty-kilometre hike, my knee didn’t hurt at all. My feet did, but not my knee.

***

Friday, we revisited Alligator Gorge. This time, we parked at the more populated carpark and took the steps down into the gorge.

I wasn’t going to do the two-kilometre circuit with the Able-Bodied through the Narrows. But I just had to know, just had to discover for myself what went wrong the previous Tuesday.

So, after a slow descent owing to my knee, I hobbled over the stony creek bed and down the narrow gorge. My frequent cries of “Ouch!” heralded my presence to all and sundry. Hubby marched ahead oblivious to my defiant presence and will over pain to be there and see for myself.

The drama of the Gorge was rewarding. Red rock walls and stunning reflections all in this ancient peaceful setting. Another pair of Grey Nomads sat in a shallow cave, absorbing the tranquillity and beauty.

*[Photo 12: Alligator Gorge reflections © L.M. Kling 2023]
*[Photo 13: The Narrows © L.M. Kling 2023]

Hubby and the Swiss relatives tramped through the Narrows as if it were a race.

P1 rested at the Narrows’ entrance and said, ‘I don’t know what the rush is.’ 

Once through and on the short, I stress, “homeward” and upward trail to the road, Hubby scolded me for holding up the group. In his estimation, “cripples” like me are not allowed to attempt the two-kilometre circuit of Alligator Gorge. ‘Now we’ll be late getting back to Adelaide,’ he warned.

Just so I wouldn’t impede the Able-Bodied further, I parked myself at Blue Gums Campground, and waited for them to return with the “royal” Toyota Hilux Carriage to pick me up.

*[Photo 14: The Telling Sign © L.M. Kling 2023]

While waiting for the Able-Bodied crew, I discovered a sign that directed the ring route in the anti-clockwise direction—through the Narrows and onto the Terraces. If only we’d ventured this way, we could have seen the most interesting parts of Alligator Gorge first and then decided to return the way we came…or not. To this date, Hubby has never witnessed the Terraces. At least we would’ve had happy, smiling faces walking down the fire track and taken less time.

© Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2023

*Feature Photo: Turnback Charlie, Alligator Creek/tributary/parallel universe…whatever © L.M. Kling 2023

***

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The T-Team with Mr. B: Central Australian Safari 1977

Serial Saturday–Diamonds in the Cave (11)

Rescue

Gigantic waves lunged at the rocks. The cove was wedged between two rugged points. Wind raged, blasting sand through me. Only yards away I observed a motionless body of a girl. Three men hovered over her. Fritz crouched down over the girl. Dr. Mario stormed around with hands on his hips. The muscular bulk of Kirk roamed close by like a caged lion, the bandages gone from his eyes, his doe eyes squinting in the bright Pilgrim sunshine. I recognized the life-saving actions of CPR. Pumping the chest. The electric jolt of the defib machine. One…two…three…zap!

My spirit was standing next to the girl’s body. I studied the prone body, blue lips, white face. There wasn’t much time, for her—for me.

The words were picked for me as if a higher, holier sprit had ordered them.

‘What are you doing here? Boris—Maggie—Tails—Latitude 50, Longitude 130,’ I murmured. ‘Why am I on the beach?’

[continued on Wattpad…]

© Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2023

Feature Photo: Spiderweb on Ice © L.M. Kling 2011

***

And now, for some Weekend Reading…

Go on a reading binge and discover the up close, personal and rather awkward relationship between Gunter and that nasty piece of cockroach-alien work Boris in…

The Hitch-hiker

See how Boris seeks revenge in…

Mission of the Unwilling

And the Mischief and Mayhem Boris manufactures in…

The Lost World of the Wends

Some real, outback Aussie adventure…

Click on the links for:

The T-Team with Mr. B: Central Australian Safari 1977

Trekking with the T-Team: Central Australian Safari 1981

Serial Saturday–Diamonds in the Cave (8)

The Diet of No Return

For a week after Tails’ news, my life stagnated. I’d given up. Didn’t eat—much. As for Sister Salome’s porridge, she could have it.

Sister Salome shoved a bowl of porridge under my nose. ‘It is good porridge! Eat it M-Anni, eat it!’

‘Eat it yourself!’ I muttered curled up on the bed.

‘Your baby needs you to eat.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘What?’

‘About Andreas,’ I said. ‘Is it true?’

Sister Salome cleared her throat. She does that when she’s not quite telling the truth. ‘Officially.’

‘Officially? And what’s that supposed to mean?’

‘Andreas won’t be coming back, my dear.’

‘Why?’

‘Work it out for yourself.’

‘I can’t, that’s why I’m asking.’ I thumped the mattress. ‘Unless it was you who orchestrated the whole thing.’

‘Min—Anni! How could you!’

‘Easy, considering our discussions on the road trip here. I bet this whole Boris thing is a ruse.’ I paused. ‘Although, I wouldn’t put it past my mother.’

‘Oh, but it is real, my dear. We have our people closing in on the creature, at this very time,’ Salome said. ‘And a more serious situation has arisen. The son of Boris is on the loose. We have to find him. Very grave times. Very grave.’

‘So, your brother could be out there still…’

‘I cannot say.’

‘Then there’s hope.’ At light speed, then on Boris World, Günter’s life would be standing still, while mine moved on rapidly. I had to wait. If I followed, I would end up in a continuous game of time tag. I arrive, and he would have left, maybe only Boris-minutes before. He could arrive back on the Pilgrim Planet, and I could be out searching for him. Anyway, I was only days, maybe a week away from giving birth; the pursuit of Günter was not an option at this stage. Theoretically, the longer he was gone, the more chance that he would not return in my lifetime. However, there was a chance that he would be back. Time, space, black holes and Boris World become rubbery in space and the laws of physics become a law unto themselves. So, I had to wait, and hope and not move on.

‘Please do eat, Anni. This is g-Andreas’ baby, a-and your’s we are talking about. Go on it is very tasty. It is good for you—to eat it,’ Sister urged. I couldn’t fathom why she stuttered as if she had a speech problem.

‘I told you! What part of eat it yourself don’t you understand!’ I buried my head in the pillow to avoid Sister’s force-feeding tactics. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the porridge -laden spoon zoom towards me.

‘Look, what would Günter say if he saw the way you were behaving?’ Sister whispered, the spoon lingering above my cheek.

‘What? Are you doing a candid home movie to show him in twenty years’ time when he finally returns, are you?’

‘Who says it would be twenty years? He could come home tomorrow.’

‘He’s been gone weeks now. I’ve done my calculations—that’s twenty years or more!’

‘Oh, you don’t know that. Space can do funny things. And him too. Don’t underestimate him, dear. Now eat!’

‘As if you care—about us!’ I roared into the feathery down. ‘No! I will not eat! Go away! Leave me alone!’ With that I shut myself off. I pulled the blanket over my head and blocked out all light and Sister Salome.

‘Dear, can’t you see as Anni and Andreas it would’ve never worked. It wasn’t real.’

‘Too late to do the Dr. Phil routine on me!’ I screamed. ‘Get out!’

‘Very well,’ Sister said. ‘Have it your way.’ I heard the bowl touch down on the side table and the spoon go clink as she placed it inside the bowl. I counted the retreating steps as Sister stomped towards the door. The steps stopped and Sister Salome added one last biting comment, ‘But, if you don’t eat by tomorrow, I will be forced to call the doctor who will take your baby by caesarean. Understand?’

‘Fine, then I can go to Boris World and look for Günter myself,’ I mumbled into my bed linen.

‘You won’t find him there.’ Sister Salome chuckled. Then she said softly, ‘Just wait till I get my hands on that blabber-mouth Liesel.’

When I no longer heard her footsteps, I grabbed my voice recorder from under the sheets, saved the last comments and stored them. She had spoken in her ancient German tongue, but I had a translator. I played the results again and again.

The door burst open. I shoved the device under the blankets.

‘You haven’t seen my communicator around, have you?’ Sister Salome eyes wide paced the room picking up pillows, breakfast trays, and the bowl of porridge. Fancy that! Mobile phone detachment anxiety disorder.

I ignored her. Sister Salome’s communicator was stowed under the mattress by me. I had plans for that mobile phone…Who has she been talking to? Günter, I bet… I was glad that Sister Salome’s absent-mindedness had landed me the opportunity to hear what everyone was not telling me, and to try and make sense of it all. Salome never need know I was the “gremlin” that stole her phone and then put it back in an obvious place.

Unsuccessful in her quest to find the lost phone, or communicate with me,Sister Salome left me to my own and her state-of-the-art I-Phone. I stared at the cold porridge. It looked up at me in cold hard lumps saying: “Eat me!” Before I could consider what I was doing I dug into the bowl and scooped a spoonful of grey mass into my mouth. The lumps stuck to the roof of my mouth. I tipped the mattress and retrieved some sugar packets from the base. I sprinkled a few grams of sugar and ate a further few small spoonsful.

Holding Salome’s phone, I tottered to the window. Raindrops splattered on me as I pushed the pane open. I examined the communicator and my options. It rang. I pressed the answer button and put the phone to my ear.

‘Hello?’ A young man’s voice spoke. But not through the phone.

He stood at the door, bandages over his eyes.

‘What?’ I flung the phone out the window. Salome’s mobile smashed into a million pieces onto the path below. ‘Oops!’

[Read the continuation of Chapter 8 on Wattpad…]

© Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2023

Feature Photo: Murton, Switzerland © L.M. Kling 2014

***

And now, for some Weekend Reading…

Go on a reading binge and discover the up close, personal and rather awkward relationship between Gunter and that nasty piece of cockroach-alien work Boris in…

The Hitch-hiker

See how Boris seeks revenge in…

Mission of the Unwilling

And the Mischief and Mayhem Boris manufactures in…

The Lost World of the Wends

Or if you would like some Aussie Outback adventure…

Check out my travel memoirs, click on the links.

The T-Team with Mr. B: Central Australian Safari 1977

Trekking with the T-Team: Central Australian Safari 1981

Serial Saturday–Diamonds in the Cave (6)

[Extract from Chapter 6–Limbo]

I gripped my bike’s handles and studied the sand. “There’s plenty of fish in the sea,” I recalled Liesel saying. Another embarrassing break up. The previous night, this latest ex drove straight past me as I waited on Jetty Road with my friends after meeting at the coffee shop eleven o’clock at night. How was I going to get home now? Walk? Thanks a lot mate. No one else had room. My brother John ended up making two trips to ensure my safe transport home. Monica reckoned she saw the ratfink the next day. She hid behind a rack of dresses. He came by to apologise a week later. I sent the crumb on his way saying I had to study for exams.

 Collecting shells on the beach calmed me.

That man again. Dressed in brown corduroy pants and beige top. He fell in-step with me. ‘If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?’

‘Go away,’ I said and increased my pace.

‘Just a simple answer to a simple question, that’s all I ask,’ he said.

‘I don’t know.’

‘Oh, yes you do, you can tell me.’

If he made a move on me, I planned to use my bike as a weapon. ‘I don’t care, leave me alone.’

‘Not until you share with me your greatest desire,’ he said.

‘Fine, then you’ll leave me alone?’

‘Maybe.’

‘That doesn’t sound like you would.’

I jumped on my bike and pumped the pedals skidding the sand in my effort to escape. I sped along the hard sand until the intruder of the day was a speck spoiling the sea view. When I reached the ramp, I hopped off and with heart racing, I walked up to the road. On bitumen, I pelted home. Something about that man gave me the creeps.

I parked the bike at the back of my home under the plum tree. I raced inside, slammed the door shut and then fumbling locked the dead lock. Ah, safe, at last!

I strolled into the living room.

The man in brown reclined on the vinyl lounge. ‘You haven’t answered my question, Minna.’

‘How did you know my name? Who are you?’

‘I am Boris and I know many things about you, my dear. Except, perhaps, what you want most in life.’

Like rancid body odour this Boris wasn’t going leave in a hurry. Where was mum when I needed her to kick him out?  

‘Will you go, if I tell you?’

‘Indeed, I will,’ Boris said.

‘Okay, I want to be beautiful, find a handsome man, get married, have children, oh, er and I would like to travel too, like in space.’ Ha, I’d like to see this cockroach of a man grant that wish.

Boris waved his hand as if he were a royal. ‘Done.’

‘Good, so you can go now. I have an orthodontist appointment—in the city—which I must keep, so if you don’t mind.’

‘Glad that you answered my question. You won’t be disappointed, in time.’ Boris walked to the front door and then turned, ‘Although, for all wishes, there will be a cost.’

Boris strode out the house and then disappeared out the driveway.

[Read the whole chapter on Wattpad]

© Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2023

Feature Painting: Late Afternoon Kingston Beach © L.M. Kling 2022

***

Find out how this story began on the Pilgrim Planet when nineteenth Century meets the twenty first century in

The Lost World of the Wends

In the mid-nineteenth century, a village of Wends, on their way to Australia, mysteriously disappeared…

Who was responsible? How did they vanish?

Want to know more about the trials and tribulations of these missing people from Nineteenth Century Eastern Europe?

Click on the link below:

The Lost World of the Wends   

Serial Saturday–Diamonds in the Cave (5)

Safe but not Sound

Through the tent window, a thick cluster of stars spilt over the Milky Way. Dawn cast its frail light over Salome asleep one side of me, and Günter twitching on the other side. He muttered in sleep-speak, arguing. ‘No-no-no…you’re kidding me…no, I won’t…you must, you owe him…but my son…I won’t go…’

Best my mother didn’t know what was happening. She’d stress. Her blood pressure would rise, her feet would swell, and she’d need a larger pair of slippers. Not a good look for the Admiral of the Fleet. She could do with some Russian tablets for her blood pressure.

‘No!’ Günter screamed and snapped out of his doze. ‘What? Did you say something?’

‘Nothing! One of your nightmares.’ I needed to distract him from the distress of his night terrors. See? I am thinking of him. I took his hand and placed it on my tummy. ‘Can you feel it? The baby’s kicking.’

Günter softened and smiled. ‘What a cheeky baby! We’ll call him Philippe if it’s a boy, remember?’

‘Yes, Philippe is a good name, for a boy. Philippe Augustus, as your father was August Philippe.’

Günter withdrew his hand and turned.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing,’ he said. ‘It’s still early, go to sleep.’

I did as he commanded. Best not to cause waves. Best to wait for the right time and then ask. Thus, I held onto my questions and rode with them tucked inside the rest of the day’s journey to the Convent.

[Read how the cosy carpet of Minna’s life with Günter is pulled from under her in the continuation of Chapter 5 on Wattpad.]

© Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2023

Photo: The Door, Will, Switzerland © Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2014

***

The first story of Boris’ exploits set on the Pilgrim Planet…

The Lost World of the Wends

In the mid-nineteenth century, a village of Wends, on their way to Australia, mysteriously disappeared…

Who was responsible? How did they vanish?

Want to know more about the trials and tribulations of these missing people from Nineteenth Century Eastern Europe?

Click on the link below:

The Lost World of the Wends   

Serial Saturday–Diamonds in the Cave (4)

[You’ve been waiting for it…A war without Boris is not a war against that over-sized alien cockroach Boris without Boris. So here he is in all his slimy and cockroachy “glory” if you can call Boris’s nefarious presence that.]

Son of Boris

As the car jaunted over the rocky rises and dips of button grass studded hill and dale, I reclined in the arms of my husband. My memories transported me back to summer days of the beach, the sun, and my hometown Adelaide untainted by the corruption of Boris. Where Günter was himself, not some Grey Alien Boris’ second in command, not the blonde German Andreas. But even in my remembrances, the bitterness of reality and a universe at the mercy of Boris began to eat away at my peace.

An encounter with Boris wormed its way into my consciousness…

***

One of those summer days doused in grey…I rode my bike to the beach to collect shells. As I combed the surf-soaked sands of Somerton Beach, a man’s voice snapped me out of the zone. ‘Found anyone interesting?’

‘Nup, no bodies,’ I murmured.

‘That’s a shame, a nice-looking lady like you.’’

I fixed my sight on the grains of sand and ignored him. Hate those pickup lines.

‘Oh, what’s your problem? I’m not going to bite.’

I glanced at him—had to see what creep I was dealing with. Pale, pock-marked face, thirties and just a little taller than me at 165cm. He wore a grubby white t-shirt and brown trousers. “Never trust a man who wears brown trousers,” my school friend Liesel always said.

‘Come on, dear, just a little conversation. Tell me, what do you want more than anything in the world.’

I shrugged. ‘To leave me alone.’

‘Tell you what, you tell me, and I’ll leave you alone. Deal?’

I pushed my bike faster trying to escape this man, but he ran after me.

‘I promise, I’ll leave you alone—just tell me.’

Hopping on my bike I announced, ‘I don’t talk to strangers.’

‘I’m not going to hurt you. I bet, I bet you’re one of those girls who wants to get married, have a family, that’s what you want more than anything.’

‘If you say so, now leave me alone.’ I jumped on my bike and sped from the creepy little man with his odd questions.

‘Your desire will be arranged,’ he said as I splashed my bike wheels through the water. He then shouted, ‘But, I might add, there will be a price.’

‘Sure, sour grapes,’ I mumbled. Then pumping the pedals, I sailed along the damp-packed sand of Somerton beach. I glanced behind before alighting. The man in brown trousers was gone…

 ***

Was Salome right? Was I selfish? Using Günter? Surely not!

[…Chapter 4 continued on Wattpad]

© Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2023

*Feature Photo: Somerton Beach Sunset © L.M. Kling 2019

***

And now, for some Weekend Reading…

Go on a reading binge and discover the up close, personal and rather awkward relationship between Gunter and that nasty piece of cockroach-alien work Boris in…

The Hitch-hiker

See how Boris seeks revenge in…

Mission of the Unwilling

And the Mischief and Mayhem Boris manufactures in…

The Lost World of the Wends

Serial Saturday Story–Diamonds in the Cave (3)

The Storm

His hand on my waist; his hand warm and steadying, comforted me. Again, I lay in my sleeping bag, awake. Lightning flashed illuminating the tent. Thunder rumbled in the distance. My lower arm reached around my enlarged belly and my fingers touched his fingers. I turned on the air mattress. Günter’s eyes gazed at me. ‘Our baby!’ he said.

‘Yes!’ I snuggled up to him.

On my other side Sister Salome snored, her back like a monolith faced us.

With an almighty crash, thunder rattled our tent. Günter held me close. I trembled, afraid. ‘Hush, the storm, it sounds worse than it is.’ He held me tighter in the sleeping bag. ‘Cosmic storms are worse.’

A violent gust of wind tore at our tent attempting to pluck it from the ground and fly us off. Waves lashed the rocks on the shore below.

‘We are high enough? We won’t be swamped by the tide, will we?’ I asked. Another blast of wind hit the tent. ‘We won’t fly off, will we?’

‘What a silly question. No! Anyway, this tent is built for extreme conditions—like Everest or Antarctica, no?’ Günter touched my face in the dark and kissed my forehead. ‘Now, sleep!’

‘I can’t! She’s snoring!’

Günter chuckled. ‘You want to go in the Merc with Dr. Zwar, then?’

‘No way!’

Massive drops of rain plummeted upon the canopy of the tent. Soon the gale joined in, and rain lashed the tent sideways. Waves hurled and smashed against the cliffs and rocks only a few meters away. I molded my back into Günter’s form, and he caressed my head and neck. I was blessed to have Günter. I pretended to sleep, but a tempest brewed,…

[continued on Wattpad…]

© Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2023

Feature Photo: The Storm, West Coast Tasmania © L.M. Kling 2016

***

And now, for some Weekend Reading…

Go on a reading binge and discover the up close, personal and rather awkward relationship between Gunter & Minna and that nasty piece of cockroach-alien work Boris in…

The Hitch-hiker

See how Boris seeks revenge in…

Mission of the Unwilling

And the Mischief and Mayhem Boris manufactures in…

The Lost World of the Wends

Serial Story Saturday–Diamonds in the Cave

[I’ve taken the plunge and launched my latest novel, (still in manuscript form and needing beta readers), on Wattpad. You can check out the first chapter of Diamonds in the Cave there and give feedback, dare I say, honest. Once the book is completed with helpful suggestions from my readers, with hopes that it is the best in quality that it can be, I will be doing the usual and self-publishing on Amazon.]

The Enemy Within

Diary of Minna Thumm

Life, my life undercover as Anni, wife of Andreas (Günter), was ideal. We fitted together like violin and a bow, the notes of our personality blending together, in perfection.

On this pristine planet, we work hard and enjoy the warm friendly atmosphere that the Wendish community afforded. Boris had kidnapped these little-known villagers of Luthertal as they travelled along the River Elbe on their way to Hamburg. This small but pious clan of Wends had planned to emigrate to Australia. But Boris who led the band of travelers had other plans for them. The IGSF (Intergalactic Space Force) rescued the Wends from slavery and being swamped by cockroaches at the hands of Boris. As Earth, in the early 21st Century, had changed so much since they had left, the Wends chose to settle on the Pilgrim Planet.

We lived the incognito life of disguise, the young husband and wife team, Andreas and Anni. Soon I was with child making our lives complete.

After all Boris was dead. Our duty to the IGSF had become redundant. Minna was dead to all except those in the know—my mother, Dr. Mario Leonardo and his wife Monica and Günter’s sister, Salome. Günter according to all who knew him, (just a handful of people), was some unknown loser frittering away his life in some forgotten corner on Earth.

On the Pilgrim Planet, we were free to live undisturbed while keeping an eye on those partners in crime, Maggie and Tails. I lived to avenge the murders of my brother, John, and others of the IGSF team who had died fighting the War against Boris.

As for my brother John’s death, I am certain Maggie and Tails were responsible—just have to prove it. We’d befriended the pair, and gradually, had made progress on the dossier pertaining to their guilt. Still that crucial piece of evidence eluded us. Meanwhile, my mother, Frieda Thumm as Admiral roamed the wormholes of the galaxy mopping up the mess left behind by Boris.

My father, Wilhelm Thumm had also died; killed when he was driving my Mazda. He was “gunna get round to fixing the brakes” but…

[continued on Wattpad…click on the link: Diamonds in the Cave]

Diamonds in the Cave

Minna and Gunter live the idyllic life as under-cover agents  in the village of the Wends…Minna is building up a case against her enemies Maggie and Tails, and suspected of being Boris agents…

…But when the IGSF (Intergalactic Space Force) sends Gunter on a secret mission in the war against Boris, Minna alone and vulnerable encounters the son of Boris…

Their idyllic life unravels…as does the Wend community.

Incited by her enemies, Tails and Maggie with fear and

superstition, the Wends succumb to a full-scale witch hunt…and Minna becomes their prime Target.

© Lee-Anne Marie Kling 2023

Feature Photo: Saas Fee, Switzerland © L.M. Kling 2014